Title: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Pdf A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making marriage work. Gottman has scientifically analyzed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behavior that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples to focus on one another and pay attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Gottman has culled seven principles essential to the success of any marriage:
- Maintain a love map
- Foster fondness and admiration
- Turn toward instead of away
- Accept influence
- Solve solvable conflicts
- Cope with conflicts you can't resolve
- Create shared meaning
Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman's workshops, this is the definitive guide for any couple who wants their relationship to realize its highest potential.
Best book on marriage EVER!!! Best book on marriage I've read so far, and I've read a lot on the topic. Haven't even finished the book yet, and my marriage is already much improved. I was seriously considering divorce a month ago, and now I'm pretty confident things are going to work out.Feeling much less stressed! :) Thanks John.Better Marriage Overnight I've only read about half of it, and we've only done the first exercise, but I've already seen a huge difference in the way my husband and I relate to each other. We both feel lighter & happier & way more positive about our marriage and the future. The author's approach is different from everything I thought I knew about marriage counseling, but makes so much more sense. Just reading the 'myths about marriage' in the first chapter was eye-opening and worth the cost of the whole book (luckily for me there is much more equally valuable info in every chapter). Frankly, I think it's also making me a better friend: instead of reiterating the doctor's positive attitude for my friend going through a difficult pregnancy, last time we talked I just listened and validated her feelings. To my surprise she seemed happier just to have me say "I'm sorry you're going through that, it IS scary." I'm so relieved to have found this book and would make it required reading for every couple if I could. I'm grateful to the authors for writing it and the couples who spent time in the labs that helped bring these insights into consciousness.Powerful, Practical, and Personal When it was first published back in 1999, this book made a huge impact that shot authors and marriage counselors, John Gottmann and Nan Silver to fame, becoming their most popular book. Using interviews, research, and scienfic data analysis, the authors begin with a startling claim: They can predict an impending divorce with a 91% accuracy just by looking at various signs. Moreover, they criticize most marital therapies as ineffective. They can recognize the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse. They can also tell the health of a marriage by asking a few questions and observing the responses. Fortunately, they are able to come up with seven principles not just to make marriage work, but to sustain it over the long haul. In brief, the principles are:1) Learning to enhance one's love maps2) Nurturing fondness and admiration for each other3) Turning toward each other instead of away from4) Letting One's Partner Influence You5) Solve the Solvable problems6) Overcoming gridlock over unsolvable ones7) Creating shared meaningFilled with plenty of tips and advice, the authors know that marriage has far more complications in real life. In fact, one criticism of the first edition of this book is the heavy dependence on data and scientific analysis, just like a book having lots of theory but little practice. This second edition tries to correct this imbalance by putting their findings to work through the Gottmann Institute. Using direct support for couples, marital therapies, and training sessions, they have accumulated more statistics on the Seven Principles. They claim that couples who read the book without additional professional assistance "were significantly happier in their relationship." Not only that, the helpfulness continued even after a year. Updated for more diverse groups, the book now includes findings for same-sex couples, new parents, and mixed marriages. The questionnaires are updated. The statistics are refreshed. The numbers are crunched with consistent results.Let me offer three thoughts on this book. First, this book speaks deeply into the issues of marriage. The way the authors have written show how much they understood couples and the marital struggles. Many of the examples given have struck a chord in readers deeply. The love maps questionnaire for instance, force individuals to dig a little deeper into their hearts prior to answering the simple Yes/No questions. It is not easy to simply tick off an answer thoughtlessly. They show us that marriage is not about "knowing" each other mentally, it is a lot more about connecting with one another at every level. While reading a book alone may not necessarily heal a marriage, it can certainly orientate any marriage more constructively. Second, this book is high on implementation. In other words, many of the suggestions are easy to understand and implement. While there are lots of scientific work and data analysis, one may accuse the authors of analysis till paralysis. That is not true, especially in this new and updated edition. The chapter on "Coping with Typical Solvable Problems" is a case in point. The authors take a break between Principles 5 and 6 to include some modern distractions like the electronic additions, relations with in-laws, money matters, housework expectations, sex, and the ubiquitous nuisance: Stress. Third, this book contains many packages of helpful tips. Those who like to have ready to remember strategies will appreciate them. Some of the more notable ones are:Six Signs of Failing MarriageSeven Week Course in Fondness and AdmirationStress Reducing ConversationsSeven Tips for Listening to Fears and SadnessTwo Kinds of Marital Conflicts: Perpetual and SolvableSeven Steps to Dealing with Emotional InjuriesSigns of GridlocksFour Pillars of Shared MeaningThe Magic Five Hours....Even if readers do not agree with all of the principles, I am convinced that at some point in the book, they would be touched. I have read this book more than twice and are still amazed at the dynamism and wisdom of the teachings. This book remains my favourite book for marriages of all types.Rating: 5 stars of 5.conradeThis book is provided to me courtesy of Harmony Books, a division of Random House Book Publishers and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.
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